Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 

Christmas music has begun to play in the mall. There are now 42 days left until the suffering ends.

In other news, I was going through old family photographs last night, and was dismayed to learn that for a time, I looked like one of the Hanson brothers. (On a related note, once again someone randomly commented how I look like Harry Potter. I should try to find a way to milk this somehow.)

Today's Lesson: read the small print on any store sign before you ask questions. It makes you look less like an idiot, and makes me less wanting to strangle you with our kiosk's complimentary Customer Appreciation Scarf.

Man-Eating Forest Update: still balking, and still vegetarian.



posted by Phillip at 3:34 PM

 

I am rather annoyed right at the moment. In the current story I'm trying to write, there is a forest that likes to eat people. Right now my protagonists are in said forest, and for some inexplicable reason the forest is refusing to eat them. I can't say this is all bad; the resulting extended scenes have some added character development I hadn't expected to see in this part. But at the same time I cannot help but wonder at how difficult it is to just have the forest come right out and (try to) devour them.

Why won't it eat them? Aren't they beautiful enough for it? Has the forest already eaten too much this month, and is worried about putting on weight? It feels like I'm having to coax a non-compliant child at the dinner table.

Me (the author): "Come on, try it! Just a spoonful of heroes. You'll see that you like it."

Man-Eating Forest: (shaking its head) "Mmm-mmm."

Me: "What's the matter? We've been planning this meal for months. All you could talk about for a time was eating these people. Just open your mouth a little bit, and try some. It's not bad. Not like that jar of 'creamed ogres' you ate last week."

Man-Eating Forest: "You can't make me."

This could only get worse if the man-eating forest turns out to be bulemic and coughs them back up somewhere. Or else the forest has scanned ahead to the end of the scene, and discovered it actually doesn't like the taste of our heroes (one in particular). It still seems ridiculously peculiar that despite my being the author, the story is currently putting me through the rigours and not the other way around. This really does throw the whole concept of the creative process out the window (though hopefully someone opened the window first before any glass was shattered), since--at least with me--the story is the one that usually tells me what happens next, and not the other way around.

Certainly there are scenes I have sketched out, endings planned and even specific events that must take place at key times in any story. But to have the story, or to be more precise the man-eating forest in it, pull this filibuster tactic, as if thinking this will prevent me from ever having it try to eat the protagonists, feels like any authority I had as an author is being totally undermined.

In other news that may surely one day bruise my rampaging ego, I have been MSTied. I can't honestly complain, since it's a pretty good MST, and besides I deliberately wrote this story as a horrible piece of self-inserted schlock just for the fun of it. And mostly to hurt people's brains: fibi.wishing-blue.net/viewtopic.php?t=103

Man-Eating Forest Status: going vegetarian.


posted by Phillip at 5:41 AM

 

Well, things have happened since the last little bit of nowhere. Kevin & Donna have been moved from Stratford to Brantford. Mel saw the Aurora Borealis for the first time. Stories have been written (or in some cases, partially written) involving cats plotting against goblins, and large wolves debating with unlucky bastards. I also had peculiar dreams involving my laptop being melted by lava in my old family basement, and me riding/steering a city bus down a large hill into large enemy cannon towers. (No, even I'm not sure what the hell any of that means...though I imagine Freud would still blame my mother for it.)

In the meantime, I've been collecting thoughts and a various number of articles all revolving around villains and the evil things they do. Or in some cases, the evil they have or had allegedly/debatably done. With my brain currently on the "blue screen of death" mode, I hope to make my own remarks in a later bit of nowhere, but for now, sit back and ruminate on notable villains recent and not so.

We begin with villains who appear to be misunderstood, though if the fact that it took the Catholic Church a few hundred years to admit they were wrong and Galileo was right is any indication, I somehow doubt the Protestant Churches will be agreeing with the government's decision anytime soon.

'Witches' pardoned after 400 years
From correspondents in London
October 30, 2004

A SCOTTISH town is to mark Halloween by granting official legal pardons to 81 supposed witches executed during a frenzy of religious fervour about 400 years ago. Descendants of some of the women put to death in Prestonpans, just east of Edinburgh, will attend a ceremony to mark the witch hunts in the town during the late 16th and 17th centuries.

More than 3500 Scots were executed amid a resurgence in Catholic feeling during the Reformation period that reached a peak under King James VI, later crowned King James I of England. Many were condemned on evidence such as owning a black cat or cursing a neighbour who subsequently fell ill. Among those executed was one woman who confessed under torture to leading a coven responsible for a storm intended to sink the king's ship as he returned from Denmark with his fiancee.

The 81 pardons were obtained in the Prestoungrange Baronial Court, an ancient body which will be abolished next month under a law removing the last vestiges of feudal authority in Scotland. At this weekend's ceremony, the pardons will be publicly declared, and a wreath laid at a specially commissioned plaque.

Local historian Roy Pugh, who presented evidence about the witches' cases to the court, said it would be a "simple and solemn" ceremony. "It will recognise the crimes that were perpetrated against these people," he said. "It's too late to apologise, but it's a sort of symbolic recognition that these people were put to death by hysterical ignorance and paranoia."

A spokeswoman for the court, Adele Conn, said the pardons would be for convictions under the Witchcraft Act 1735. "There were some concerns that we've got the ceremony on Halloween, but we couldn't have a witches remembrance in the middle of March," she said. "It has a serious purpose; we're respecting these unfortunate individuals."


Next up on the roster, we have...not surprisingly, especially in the wake of all the election fruh-frah:

Bush Would Be Perfect Kids' Villain - Author Pullman
05/11/2004 12:33:01 PM

LONDON (Reuters) - For children's fantasy writer Philip Pullman, George W. Bush would make a perfect villain in his epic sagas of good and evil. "He would fit right in," said the British author of the trilogy "His Dark Materials" which now looks set to follow in the cinematic footsteps of Harry Potter and The Lord of The Rings as the next blockbuster franchise. "Bush has this baying certainty and has imposed this fervent zealotry," said Pullman whose books have been condemned by church groups for attacking organized religion.

"The Christian right in America is the mirror image of the Islamic fundamentalists," he added.


And finally, a question of which happens to be the lesser of two evils:

Victims' families angered by new Bernardo movie
CTV.ca News Staff

A Hollywood movie about notorious killers Karla Homolka and Paul Bernardo is sparking outrage, despite the producer's assurances it won't be exploitive. Billed as "the incredible true story of Canada's most lethal couple," the movie Deadly has already been shot for the relatively low budget of less than $5 million US.

But Tim Danson, the lawyer who represented the families of victims Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffy, says there's no need for such a film. "The public has what they want. They don't need anymore," Danson told CTV News. "There is nothing served at this point in time for a graphic, detailed re-presentation in Hollywood format of my clients' violation."

The film's Los Angeles-based producer, however, says the story of a couple without conscience is one that needs to be told. "This story has a particularly compelling quality to it -- two people who were, to all intents and purposes, a happy, beautiful young couple who were able to descend into such a dark place," Quantum Entertainment's Michael Sellers told CTV, explaining that people need to understand how that can happen.

And besides, Sellers says, he's taken several steps to protect the victims and their relatives. "The victims' family's situation is something that weighs heavily on all our minds. We changed all the names and we didn't have them physically resemble the victims. The actresses are over 18. We tried to show as much sensitivity as we could."

In addition, he says Deadly, which is now being edited, won't make it to Canada. "We have no distributor in Canada, and honestly we have mixed feelings," he said. "I specifically reserved the right not to distribute in Canada. That's where it stands right now. There's still a lot of steps ahead of us."

Actress Laura Prepon, who also plays Donna on That 70s Show, will take on the role of Homolka. Misha Collins of 24 plays Bernardo. Quantum will release the film early next year, just months before Homolka is due to be released from a maximum-security prison in Quebec.

Bernardo was declared a dangerous offender after he was convicted in the sex slayings of French and Mahaffy in 1995. He's serving a life sentence with no chance of parole. There was a public outcry when Homolka struck a plea bargain with the authorities, cutting her sentence down to 12 years on two counts of manslaughter. Two years ago, Danson succeeded in halting a Canadian company's plans to film their own version of the case.

Today's Lesson: the longer the dry-spell duration, the harder it becomes to pick anything back up and resume as if nothing had ever stopped...especially when it comes to writing little bits of nowhere.


posted by Phillip at 8:21 PM